Wordy Wednesdays: The Happy Homemaker

(SYLVIE stands at a stove, slowly stirring a pot of tomato sauce. MARYLYNN sits at her dining room table, sipping a glass of wine.)

MARYLYNN:
I can't believe you're wearing an apron. My eyes are still adjusting to it.

SYLVIE:
It's crazy, right?

MARYLYNN:
Yeah, a touch. It looks like you're playing dress-up.

SYLVIE:
I kind of am. Only, I never take the costume off. Do you know I've been cleaning this place like a madwoman?

MARYLYNN:
On purpose?

SYLVIE:
Daily. I check my e-mails, write out reports, and whenever I have a little down time I'm scrubbing a toilet or wiping a counter.

MARYLYNN:
If you'd done that in college, our apartment wouldn't have been so horrible.

SYLVIE:
You were a slob back then, too!

MARYLYNN:
I'm still a slob! God, I can't believe you broke rank - you're a Clean Person now!

SYLVIE:
It's so weird! But I can't help it - I'm here all day long, and I just can't stand to look at everything all messy. It makes my skin crawl.

MARYLYNN:
How do you have time to work and clean?

SYLVIE:
Not commuting helps. But honestly, I don't know. It just kind of happens.

MARYLYNN:
I'd say, "show me your ways," but then again, I don't care. Mac does all the cleaning at our place, and that's fine by me. You know, he actually likes to clean. Says it's therapeutic. Isn't that gross?

SYLVIE:
It's a little pathological.

MARYLYNN:
Last week I tried to clean a dish, and he begged me to leave it in the sink. Said he had a hard day at work, and he wanted to pretend the pesto was his boss's adult acne while he ripped it off his face. (SYLVIE snort-laughs over the stove.) I'm serious - that's a direct quote. He might be a serial killer. Whatever, as long as he wipes-up the blood, I'm cool. So you like working from home?

SYLVIE:
Yeah, but sometimes I forget that's what I'm doing here all day. Isn't that weird?

MARYLYNN:
How do you forget work?

SYLVIE:
I don't know. I just sit in my office, typing and sending things off, and it might be work, or it might just be...working from home is just different. The deadlines are there and everything, but I feel so removed from it all.

MARYLYNN:
I don't see how that's possible. I could never, ever pretend to enjoy my work. Uugh, you're so lucky.

SYLVIE:
(Nods in agreement) I won't argue that. (She spoons out some sauce and takes a quick taste) Ooh! Yes! Here, try.

(She hands the spoon to MARYLYNN, who takes a tiny sip.)

MARYLYNN:
Oh holy God. (She slurps the rest of it up, and licks the spoon) Sweet heaven, what's in that??

SYLVIE:
Secrets. Badly-kept family secrets, courtesy of the internet.

MARYLYNN:
I would eat that stuff plain - no pasta necessary.

SYLVIE:
If I had an immersion blender, I'd whip it right into soup - skip the middleman.

MARYLYNN:
Maybe that's what I should get you for your birthday?

SYLVIE:
Nah, don't bother.

MARYLYNN:
Why not?

SYLVIE:
That's a whole month away - who knows if I'll still be all..."domestic" by then.

MARYLYNN:
Whatdya mean? You're gonna stop being June Cleaver?

SYLVIE:
I mean, probably. I'm not very good at sticking to things.

MARYLYNN:
(Snort laughs) Since when?

SYLVIE:
Since, like, ever. I'm a little fickle. I go through cycles.

MARYLYNN:
Doesn't everyone? And fickle? YOU? You've had your job for six years - you wear clothes you owned in high school -

SYLVIE:
Yeah, a few things. But I can't seem to make anything else stick. Hobbies, crafts, exercise plans. They always fall away.

MARYLYNN:
Did you like all that stuff?

SYLVIE:
For a while, yeah.

MARYLYNN:
But then you got bored of it all?

SYLVIE:
Yeah, and I just gave up.

MARYLYNN:
Maybe it wasn't for you. Maybe you stopped caring because you didn't really like that stuff to begin with. Do you like wearing an apron and making amazing tomato sauces from scratch?

SYLVIE:
Yeah - it's great.

MARYLYNN:
So then maybe this'll stick. This might just be YOUR hobby.

(Beat.)

SYLVIE:
That's why you're my best friend.

MARYLYNN:
I'm only yours for the food.

(SYLVIE serves the sauce over pasta. It's amazing. She keeps cooking, but the cleaning goes to pieces over time. It's okay - she doesn't live in squalor or anything.)